hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
