Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
