Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
