Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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