Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i would punch a child for taco bell
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
