Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
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You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
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also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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