i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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