i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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