We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
