The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
