Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
