someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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