That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
