I showed him my bush... on skype.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I want her autograph on my taint
So squirting runs in the family.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I didn't notice because vodka
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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