Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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