So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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