Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
