sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
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I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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