they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
