This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
