wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
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I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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