the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
