you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have aggressive nipples.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
