I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
