This dress was meant to end up on your floor
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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