Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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