you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
