i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
