I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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