I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
