You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
