and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I enjoy the company of your penis
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