i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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