guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
