I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
