Plan B is the new Plan A
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
