worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
