My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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