You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
