I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
