dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Never underestimate the power of titties
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