Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
