Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
