Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
