is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
