so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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