i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
