My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
