Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
