We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
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