she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
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