she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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