Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
