aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
