I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You made out with two different species that night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
ok first of all what the fuck
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