You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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