I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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