I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize