omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
