Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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