How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
