Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
