i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
