I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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