Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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