My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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